


Sleeplessness

by allixiler



Category: The Outer Worlds (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, kinda angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:35:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27108067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allixiler/pseuds/allixiler
Summary: Something is bothering the Captain...and Max is determined to find out what.
Relationships: Female Captain & Maximillian DeSoto, Female Captain/Maximillian DeSoto, The Captain/Maximillian DeSoto
Kudos: 24





	Sleeplessness

She didn’t give the whole “hibernation for 70 years” thing much thought at first. Correction: she didn’t have much time to give it any thought. She was quite abruptly woken up by some random scientist and thrown into a space pod with her only main instruction being to save Halcyon before it was too late. So, she did as she was told. She assembled a crew along the way that later became like a family, she earned some bits for the journey, she devised a plan to overthrow the Board. On top of all of these things, she fell in love with someone she never would’ve expected. 

Vicar Max was not the type of man she ever thought she’d end up with. For starters, he was a preacher. She had never previously found herself to have any sort of priest kink. He had also been to prison and tended to have a teetering temper. Bad boys didn’t tend to be a particular attraction for her. She liked to think that it was because she could see past his rough exterior and could see who he really was. A genuine and loyal man who would do anything for those he cared about. She adored the way he was always open for counsel from his friends...and not just because he was a man of the cloth. She wasn’t sure what it was exactly, but Maximillian DeSoto could have her at his absolute mercy if he wanted to. 

With this being said, he knew when something was bothering her. They had been together for awhile and he could read her like a book. Although, the way she had been so irritated lately; it was obvious to everyone that something was weighing heavy on her mind. She had been snapping off at everybody for the last week for the smallest and most menial things.

Like when Felix accidentally left his tossball stick on Groundbreaker, she angrily spat at him to go get it or she was leaving without him (which scared Felix to death considering he never wanted to be stuck on Groundbreaker ever again). Ellie left her boots by the door of the ship to avoid tracking dirt all over the ship, which frustrated the Captain that Ellie left her stuff laying around. These were things that she would usually never get upset over, because they weren’t at all a big deal to her. Instead of being annoyed, her crew was worried. They loved her as their captain and as a friend. They knew something was wrong and they couldn’t get to the bottom of it. Max was especially worried. He cared about her differently than everybody else and he never wanted her to be struggling with something on her own.

It wasn’t until her irritation was taken out on the most innocent member of the party that he stepped in. 

Parvati never got in trouble. She never raised her voice at the Captain or defied her orders. She only showed the upmost loyalty to her and respected her as a mentor and a friend. It was very rare that the Captain ever had to instruct her in a negative way. That’s why it was the final straw when she yelled at Parvati.

It had been a drama free day. Ellie and Nyoka were off the ship in Byzantium, probably causing hell somewhere while everyone else stayed onboard. The Captain had been in the navigation room, charting some areas on her map when ADA alerted her of a crash upstairs;

“Captain, there seems to have been a disturbance upstairs.” She reported in her AI voice.

A harsh, guttural noise escaped her throat as she threw her head back with rolled eyes;

“Wonderful.” She sighed sarcastically.

She exited the terminal and climbed up the ladder to the kitchen, hearing a hushed voice as she drew closer;

“Quick! Help me clean it up before the Captain gets up here!” Parvati whispered to Felix.

“We need to get SAM in here so he can keep the floor from getting sticky.” Felix replied in a not-so-whisper tone.

She entered the kitchen and based on the way everyone in the room froze, the look on her face was not very pleasing. She stood at the entranceway and saw that Parvati had spilled her glass of purpleberry juice all over the floor in front of the fridge. She and Felix were on their knees with rags in each of their hands as the juice continued to seep into Parvati’s clothes. Under normal circumstances, this would in no way be an issue. Parvati would apologize profusely and the Captain would likely laugh and smile it off and help her clean it up and forget the whole incident. However, the surge of agitation in her chest and head proved that would not be her reaction. 

Parvati looked at Felix with a look of pure fear before looking back to Captain, desperation in her voice;

“Captain, i-it was an accident. I’ll get SAM to help clean it up I-”

“Fucking hell, Parvati.” She growled. 

She flinched at her words and a worried, but genuine smile appeared on Felix’s face as he tried to settle the situation before it escalated;

“Boss, she didn’t mean to. It’s not a big deal.” He pleaded.

Blood rushed to her head and her eyebrows furrowed angrily as she became more furious. Her face burned as her heart rate sped up and her blood pressure went high. Her voice rose way above its normal range, which brought Max running in;

“Oh, really? Not a big deal? You fucking up my ship isn’t a big deal?” She asked angrily approaching them.

Her vexation was so blinding that she didn’t even register how petrified they looked. That wasn’t the kind of captain she wanted to be. That wasn’t the captain she really was. She wasn’t the dictator type that thrived off of the fear of those around her. They knew this. That’s what made it even scarier. The fact that something was causing her to act this way.

“Captain, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry...” Her voice cracked as she came up from the floor.

“Sorry? I don’t have to put up with your shit,” She snarled; “You better be fucking sorry, because I can drop your ass back in Edgewater in a second.”

Finally, Max couldn’t bear to hear anymore;

“Captain.” He rang out louder than yours and very sternly.

His voice snapped her out of her fury and got her attention. All of a sudden, she realized just how unfair she had been to everyone over the last week. She had no business treating them this way. They weren’t just her crew. They were her family. They were all she had. Life was too short to be treating them like they were less than her. Because they weren’t. She looked back to Parvati. You had seriously hurt her feelings. Parvati’s biggest fear was ending back up in Edgewater where no one seemed to care for her or appreciate her. The Captain’s words were stinging.

The Captain watched as Parvati slowly fell apart from holding it together. Her eyebrows formed into a saddened expression. Tears filled her sweet eyes and her lip quivered as she started to cry;

“Captain,” She sobbed; “What’s the matter? Why have you been acting this way?”

The Captain’s heart sank at the sight of her tears. She felt beyond horrible and guilty for making her feel upset. Her eyes changed into concern and pleading;

“Oh, Parvati...I didn’t mean that. I would never just kick you out of the crew. I’m sorry I-” She stopped to shake her head. Not believing her unacceptable behavior; “I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I just haven’t been myself lately and I’ve been so worried about some things and...I’m sorry, P.” She apologized.

While relief washed over everyone’s faces, it still didn’t compensate for the twisting feeling in Captain’s gut. She didn’t deserve any of the crew’s forgiveness or respect after all this. But, of course, they would forgive her and continue to stick by her with no loss of respect. She felt as if she didn’t deserve them. Even though her back was to him, you could feel Max’s stare burning on her. He was analyzing, as he often did. He was trying to figure out what in the world had brought all of this on.

Parvati wasn’t one to hug, but she pulled her in for a comforting embrace. Her tears slowed, but didn’t completely subside;

“We love you, Captain. We’re here to help.” She sniffed.

She only nodded. If only it were that simple. The crew wouldn’t understand, no matter how she explained it. She dropped to her knees, resting a hand on Felix’s shoulder as she took one of the rags from him;

“I’m sorry, Felix.” She apologized again.

Felix, being the bubble headed guy he was, had already let the whole situation roll off his back;

“Don’t worry about it, Boss. We all have our days.” He said truthfully.

She turned to the puddle of juice in front of her, the two of them assisting as she wiped the floor and called for SAM to finish the job. Once the juice was cleaned, the rest of the day followed suit and as usual. Ellie and Nyoka returned from the city feeling revitalized from terrorizing some wealthy citizens that had probably never seen two freelancers before. Everyone had a meal together around the table in the kitchen, laughing and talking per usual. However, she was much more quiet now. 

Parvati had moved on from the earlier incident. Honestly, she had kind of forgotten about it. But the Captain couldn’t forget it. She was plagued with this issue that had been making her so exasperated and temperamental. It was all she could think about now. She didn’t realize until today that it was the cause of her problem. It felt silly, but also very real. She had been having trouble sleeping.

Recently, she had been having a lot of time to think. Particularly about her hibernation period. She was asleep, unconscious, dead to the world for 70 years. 7 decades. That’s a long time to be so disconnected. It was weird to think about and it made her nervous when she really drilled down on it. The hibernation had done some strange things to her body.

She could move faster, but she could also slow down time. Technically, she was of ancient age, but her time in hibernation had completely stopped her aging so she was only in her early 30s. She worried about all these things, but there was one central idea that terrified her.

What if she went to sleep intentionally, but never woke up? What if her brain was now wired to stay asleep for extensive periods of time and all it took was one night of sleep to send her back into hibernation? She knew that Phineas Welles had used chemicals to put her to sleep and wake her up. But he hadn’t done anything for her to be able to slow down time or move more rapidly. Those were side effects. What if this could possibly be one too? 

With this being said, she hadn’t slept well in a week. Her agitation was due to her sleep deprivation and stress. The dark circles and glassy look in her eyes were a testament to it. A hand being laid on her leg and rubbing gently brought her out of her daze. She looked to her left to see Max was still seated at the table, his sights already on her. He was concerned and troubled about her well-being, wishing she’d just talk to him. Her humanly tendencies kicked in which caused her to want to push him away and deal with it on her own. 

She stood from the table as SAM took her plate with her half-eaten meal to the sink.

“Thanks for a great dinner, guys. I’m calling it a night.” She announced, pushing the chair back under the table.

It was pretty late. The crew always preferred eating later in the evening, so it wasn’t too strange that she was ready to turn in for the day. Still, she almost always was the last one to go to bed;

“Aw, Cap,” Nyoka slurred slightly; “You’re not gonna stick around for a drink?”

She shook her head and smiled politely at her offer;

“Not tonight. I’ll see you guys in the morning. Maybe we’ll sleep in before we hit up Groundbreaker, yeah?” She suggested.

Everyone praised that idea as she exited the upstairs area to go to her quarters. She had a nagging sensation in her chest. She knew it wasn’t fair what she was doing. Leaving Max behind to worry about her. She had to talk to him. Or anybody for that matter. She was no good to anybody in this condition. 

She asked ADA to keep her door locked in hopes of getting a least a little shut eye with no distractions. Her room was extremely quiet and still the only sounds she could hear were the distant chatter of the crew upstairs. She changed into her comfortable shorts and tank top, doing everything she could to see if she could get some sleep. If only she could shut her anxiety off for the night. 

ADA’s voice interrupted her nightly routine which caused her to pause;

“Captain, the vicar has requested entrance into your quarters.” She stated.

Her heart fluttered. She was beginning to see that he was exactly what she needed right now;

“Sure. Let him in, please.” She answered.

The door beeped, telling Max that he could enter. The door swished open and hissed closed once he was in the room. He walked into the main part of the room quietly. She only looked at him, unsure of what to say. His voice was calm and serene;

“I think we should talk about today,” He offered; “I’m always here to talk.”

She nodded, perched against the desk. He went to stand next to her, their arms touching. He was a patient man when it came to her. He knew whatever was bothering her was making it hard to reach out, so he gave her the time she needed to process her words and thoughts. 

“Max, I...I feel so tired,” She began; “I’m exhausted.”

He rested a hand on her lower back, his eyes never leaving her;

“That’s understandable. You have a lot of pressure on you,” He agreed; “But you don’t have to do it alone. We’re all on your side.”

She shook her head. That wasn’t exactly what she meant;

“No. I mean, yes, that’s part of it,” She explained; “But I mean I’m actually exhausted because...I can’t sleep.”

He looked confused at that. She wasn’t sleeping? He slept in her room with her at least a couple times a week and he was sure she had been. Then, when he thought about it, he realized that she had been up before him every time this week. Which he now found odd because ADA almost always had to basically run her out of bed. Everything was making sense now.

“Oh, darling...” He breathed, turning and taking her hand, kissing the back of it; “Is that all?”

His question had innocent intentions. She knew he was relieved that it wasn’t something more serious. He didn’t mean to disregard her dilemma, but she felt the need to defend herself.

“It’s not just that,” She rocketed back; “It’s because...I’m scared to sleep.”

He was listening to what she was saying, trying to come up with a solution before he even heard why;

“What’s keeping you awake?” He asked.

She let out a deep breath, letting go of his hand and slowly beginning to pace the room;

“I was out for a long time, Max.” She told.

He knew she was referring to her hibernation. It occurred to him that she hadn’t really talked about it much with him. He let her go on to explain;

“That hibernation did strange things to me. I mean, I’m the same person I was before. I was me when I went in and me when I came out,” She rambled; “But I feel like there are things that are different as a result of it. And I got to thinking, what if I fall asleep and don’t wake back up?”

His whole body lightened at her words. He couldn’t imagine being afraid of that. Sleep was supposed to be peaceful and recharging for the body. It was essential really. The thought of avoiding it because she was fearful was a saddening thought.

“I can assure you that Dr. Welles would warn you of such a thing. He knew about the slowing down of time, didn’t he?” He spoke; “I don’t think that’ is something you should concern yourself with.”

“I know. It’s probably stupid to think that. I know I was put under and brought back with chemicals, but I was sort of an experiment after all. A lot of unknowns.” She remarked.

He moved to sit next to her where she had moved on the bed;

“I hear what you’re saying. I understand. However, I really think that if that were to happen, it would’ve already,” He announced; “You’ve been awake for many, many months now.” 

He had a point. She hadn’t thought of that. Odds are, she was probably past discovering all the funky side effects. Phineas had said that most of the damage or side effects would be known within the first few days...minus the time dilation feature. 

“I don’t think you have to worry. You’ll be just fine,” He encouraged; “If for whatever reason that does happen; I promise we would find a solution immediately. We simply couldn’t let our ship go without a captain.”

This was one of the reasons why she loved him so much. He knew how to comfort her. She felt much better now. And suddenly very sleepy. Before she could stop it, a yawn involuntarily escaped her lips. He laughed lowly;

“I see we’ve hit a positive conclusion to this conversation,” He declared, ushering her into bed. Once she was snuggled in, he continued; “Sleep well. I’ll see you in the morning, my love.”

He leaned down to kiss her, but she gasped lightly;

“You’re not going to stay with me?” She asked sweetly.

“I assumed that you’d want to be alone tonight because-” 

“Please stay.” She begged.

He smiled, his heart warmed at her request. ADA turned out the lights as she curled up next to him, already feeling a glorious night of sleep coming over her. He kissed her forehead softly, his voice being the last thing she heard before she drifted off to sleep;

“Goodnight, Captain.”


End file.
